Life's timeline

I used to have really bad OCD

I would only eat things in even numbers

If I hit my hand on something than I had to hit my other hand too with the same force

If I stepped funny, I would back track and my other foot would have to step the same way

I counted, everything

It wasn't obvious, so I never stood out

But in my head, it was a problem

Every OCD person has an ultimate conclusion, something that will happen if they don't perform their ritual acts...

mine was the death of my mother

I have always had a hard time leaving home,

mainly in fear of leaving my mother

Over the years I have overcome my OCD compulsions and moved on with my life

But in the back of my head I still have the initial fears

Its not that I am afraid of losing my mother specifically, it's my family in general

Last night I was able to visit my sister and dad who are in town looking at colleges

As I was laying in bed, that fear hit me.

I thought that this goodbye could be the last, for so many differnt things could happen within the two weeks until I go home.

Car crashes, airplane crashes anything...

so many people die everyday, how do you know it wont be your turn? or a loved ones turn to go?

But then I took a breath.

This is a fear that I will have forever.

The end will always be there.

Yes, it hurts to lose your loved ones.

But you have absolutely no control over when or where this will happen.

All you can do is live your life to the fullest.

Don't hold back because you are afraid of death, 

If you stop your life in fear, then death ultimately wins... even before it strikes.

So today I am going to live my life.

I am not going to fear the unknown, because the unknown is what I have come to love.

Half Asleep - School Of Seven Bells

xoxo

-K