Tachycardia Tuesday

Tuesday never fails me.

For some reason all the crazy, heart-wrenching, blood pumping activities always happen on Tachycardia Tuesday, always.

Today, actually tonight, I found out the biggest, craziest news, ever.

Earlier today I kept thinking that I would have nothing to post, but really all I had to do was check my mailbox, and there it was. 

There it was in purple pen, messy and soothingly familiar handwriting.

Pasted on the inside of a golden retriever puppy card, a few simple words that shook my world.

Instead of telling me in person, or on the phone, my best friend chose to write it out.

Allee is pregnant

Those three words.

I had to sit down, I didn't care who was watching .

What?! 

This is so weird.

How can one of my best friends, someone I looked up to as a role model.

Someone I spent hours and hours and hours with messing around .

I lived at their house.

She was like my older sister.

We all called each other sister, I called her Big Sis.

She was my tennis buddy.

my art buddy.

my Golden Girls on saturday mornings buddy.

my Spirulina drinking buddy.

my jeep buddy.

How is she pregnant?!

And not only that, but she has been pregnant since November, November!

That means when I come home for easter in a few weeks, it will show.

Life sure comes at you fast.

Sometimes it just punches you in the gut.

I feel like I just got slapped in the face by life.

Maybe it would hissing "Wake up! This is Life!"

while it inflicted pain across my cheek.

I thought I was in shock when finding out person after person from my graduating class is getting engaged, well engaged or already married.

I thought that was a wake up call, but I was so, so wrong.

I don't know why I am so sad, but thats the most overwhelming feeling I have right now.

pure sadness.

It hurts so much to talk to my best friend, this is hurting her so much.

Its so hard to see someone you love, to see two people you love, go through something like this and you can't be with them.

Im over 3000 miles away, and all I want to do is give her a hug, give both of them a hug.

Wow, I'm sorry... I know this is not that interesting to you, and probably doesn't give you tachycardia or any interesting feeling like that. 

But this is my blog, my life.... and right now I am in complete shock.

It will be ok.

It is always ok.

Soon my hands will stop shaking.

Soon it will settle in.

Soon it will be reality.

But for now, I just need a hug.

Breath in, breath out.

Life carries on.

Because there is so much love,

there is so much love between our two families,

so much love. 

It will all be ok.

And life carries on.

xoxo

-K