kinda random

For some reason I have this song stuck in my head
and it keeps repeating over and over again, right at the chorus part
ok....I lied

I actually know why I really like the song

Do you notice if the song has some kind of history to you, you seem to like it

I always wonder, if it didn't have that past connection, would you even like the song?

Anyways, this song is on a South of Nowhere youtube clip thingy that I watched and the clip was really good and the song was good for the clip and so I guess now I like the song

Although I think I just like that one certain part of the song more than the actual whole song

Well, here it is

My obsession with Twitter has grown steadily over the last few days
Now I crave the realization that I found something worthy enough to post
I search and search for the perfect song or news or feeling, just so I can update to Twitter
I know, its sad
I feel like so many people are starting to get into this Twitter thing, and now I understand why

Do you ever wonder why people are your friend?

Not in like a depressing way, but more of a quizzical question

There are two ways to look at it

#1 I don't understand why people are happy to be my friend- am I really that good of company?

or

#2 I don't understand why I have a hard time making friends- is there something awkward about me?

Now I know this makes no complete sense, but it does to me.

I ask myself these questions often, because I truly wonder

Sometimes I feel like I am the most awkward person ever, especially around certain people ( that I can list off in my head) but for some reason they enjoy being my friend and actually continue with the process.... and I really don't understand why they would do this

Other times I can be the most outgoing, funny open person ( who knows why, I definitely go in phases between cool and really not cool) and the people surrounding me act as if I am an alien or something and therefor even though I seem to myself to be more "cool" in fact I am making less friends than when I am a complete awkward loser. 

Thats my school for you though

Its located in the most materialistic location on earth, I swear and the people hear are pretty superficial ( even though we are supposed to be a religious institute---which in reality means bullshit to me which is why I probably should understand why it means shit to everyone else) but still, you would think it would attract some decent people, right?

Don't get me wrong, I love my school.... well, I love things about my school

It just gets tiring sometimes.. especially now, that I am... open... more, at least to myself, about my feelings.

Written in the student handbook is a clause on sexual relationships, in addition to sex outside of marriage ( between a husband and a wife-they are very clear about that) homosexuality is listed in the same category--meaning, if it is caught ( seen in the open) then you can be punished for it. I heard this was a rumor last year, until my best friend ( who happens to be a gay male) and I decided to see if it was true- and it is. There for if you are caught for example kissing someone of the same sex- you could be expelled from the school on the third account. Pretty ridiculous right? No wonder we have so many closeted gay males around- I swear almost 50% here are... or at least don't know it themselves. ( totally stating that in a happy, not mean way) 

I guess I just wanted to vent my frustration about how I feel so alienated here

My friend is overseas right now, and I know when he gets back ( especially after he learns about my epiphany I had while he was gone ) the campus won't seem so...discriminatory or  however you want to describe it.

I love my school, the professors, the location relative to the beach, the location relative to LA, the location....well, in general, and... my friends... but its hard.. it really is.

So on a happy note, this is what I am obsessed with at the current moment

specifically Urban Detox in Goji Berry Flavor... Although I just had Light Weight... and I like this feeling of "burning calories" I always wonder if these drinks really work, and then I think.. "well they can't hurt!"

So yeah, there is my plug... that doesn't help me... but potentially could help you if you happen to drink them and they happen to actually work like they say on the label. Your choice.

xoxo

-K