Spring Break Heart

When a break is coming up I act like I don't want to go home.

I joke about, I laugh , I grunt when the topic of having to stay at home comes up.

I say that as much as I love my family, staying under the same roof with them for a week+ is incredibly hard now that I have moved out.

I outwardly say that I am not looking forward to going home.

I have no emotion while driving to the airport or waiting in the terminal.

My heart doesn't skip a beat as I touch down.

But its all an act.

Because I know the second I become happy for finally being home... I won't want to leave.

I put up a wall all week.

I roll my eyes at the non-existent entertainment.

I get frustrated with the slow drivers.

I whine everytime I go out in the cold.

I then, just when I think I will make it through the week without feeling at home.

It hits me.

The feeling that, "I am home"

And then I am just screwed.

Because everything I have been working for has been for nothing.

This is when I start feeling guilty for wasting my vacation trying to put myself in an LA box.

This is when I feel sad for not hugging my parents more or for snapping at my siblings when all they wanted was my attention.... attention they have been waiting for for months at a time.

And then the vacation is over.

I leave moaning the words, "I don't want to leeeeeeave"

And then faster than the process of arriving, I have already departed.

Now I am sitting in my dorm room, feeling as if I have never left this place.

I truly believe this is the first time I have felt homesick, like true homesickness, especially less than 24 hours after a vacation, in an extremely looooong time.

I can honestly say, "I miss home"

Now where are those damn ruby red slippers?

xoxo
-K