The Lie

I like reading the Sunday Secrets from PostSecret.

I can always make up simple one-liners about my life,

that fit nicely on a postcard.

but I have never sent one in...

Maybe its because I don't really have that many secrets...

Do I even have one?

Sometimes I lie to myself,

hoping that it will change what is really inside my head.

But in reality it changes nothing.

It just confuses me about what is real and what is fake.

The lies are just a beautiful mask, covering up the ugly truth.

Why do I feel the need to have "good looking" thoughts?

What's wrong with having a dirty mind?

I don't mean having a dirty mind like that.

well, not necessarily.

But we all see it sometimes...

that shameful, hidden side of us that only reveals itself through vivid imagination and thought.

Where does it come from?

I was corrupted by the age of 4

And no it was not from the Reading Rainbow guy.

I think it was pure curiosity.

Natural interest.

I can't blame that book in the library-because I didn't find that until much later.

And when I say I can trace my sexuality back as far as 4...

Im not joking.

It all connects.

It all makes sense.

But maybe, just maybe- its only because of hindsight?

then what?

Is it all just twisted up in my memory?

Is it really only a lie..

told to make myself feel better..

to connect imaginary dots and come about with a conclusion..

that is simply a mask on top of lie?