Mothers

Happy Mother's Day

I had a hard time deciding which word to start my sentence

Thats never happened to me before

At least not that extreme of a case

I guess I am having a hard time even understanding what all these feelings are swirling around my head..

I can't even imagine trying to find words to describe them

The first thing that pops up on your screen in a chat window is usually a good example of what you are truly feeling (depending on who you are talking to of course)

But.. since its such an instant-kind of interaction.. you don't have time to really think about what you are typing.. and it just pops out.

Today while talking to one of my really good friends, the first thing that popped up on my screen worth mentioning was the phase:

I feel unwelcome in my own home

And it is true

I think

I feel so... alone

Its weird

I usually thrive on this feeling down in LA.. its my independent LA lifestyle feeling

But why am I feeling it here?

I have a few ideas why... but I don't want to jump to conclusions... especially because every time I do my mom jumps at the opportunity to say that I am too sensitive and need to find some self confidence...

I might have more self confidence if I didn't know that my mom doesn't approve or understand or even accept my lifestyle.. who I am.

And I have no idea when she is thinking about that topic

And I have no idea who she has talked to about it

And then I think... or at least I should think to myself...

Who cares?

I should be me

Whoever that is

Who I believe I am

(Because this was the year I found myself, right?)

So I will be that person I finally found

And screw all those who don't like this me...

because this me.. is the true me

Oh yeah, Happy Mother's day mom