NothingandEverything

So, I have this whole list of generated ideas scribbled on a piece of paper sitting right next to me. They are good ideas, full of fun links I could show you, possibly pictures, maybe even as shnazzy as a music video or two. But I don't feel like writing about them. Not even one. None of them make my heart race a little bit, or make my fingertips itch in anticipation to type. None of them I feel passionate about, at least not at the moment. Most of the topics I could barely hold myself back from writing about the minute I thought about them. But not right now. Right now I feel like closing my eyes, and just listening. 

This past month I have been an itunes fiend. Usually I find a few songs here and there, add them to my library and then in a few days completely forget about them and move on. But not this song. There is something special about it, and I can't quite put my finger on it. Its not a complicated song, its not up-beat or dance-able. But it makes me want to move. Just close my eyes and sway. Music does this to me sometimes. Sometimes I look like a complete fool because I get so engrossed in the music I completely forget my surroundings and who might be watching me. But I don't really care. 

I am a pretty reserved person by nature. I wish I was that extrovert that would dance in the middle of a party, or scream across the room at a friend, or walk up and introduce myself or laugh with a complete stranger. But thats not me. I am shy, reserved, I over-think things wayyy too often. But when there is music, music that I am really into, its a completely different story. 

Music is my world, its my world I can escape to. Its my world where I am that extrovert; where I am that person I have always wanted to be. Not on purpose of course, it just does it to me. 

Music is everything to me. Without it I would not live. Actually without it I can honestly say I would be dead. I would die. Because it got me through one of the hardest times of my life. I was so depressed, I can be honest with you and say that I didn't want to live anymore. There were only two things that got me through that time in my life. Music and the thought that my grandfather, or I call him Papa, would be devastated without me. One of those have passed on. One of those vital ingredients to my life has left me. I think its obvious that its the latter. But one has not left. One will never leave me. Music is everything to me. It was there to help me not only get through that really hard year, even couple years I guess you could say. But it was there to help me when my second back up on life passed on. Loosing my grandpa has been one of the hardest things I have dealt with. Music has helped me cope with these two major tragedies in my life. I know I am being cryptic with my first depression, but its  a hard topic/subject to talk about. Not only emotionally, but it requires a lot of explanation. I think it may have to be something I touch on in another post. 

Unfortunately the song that moves me so much was just released Feb. 17 2009 ( although I bought it on itunes at the beginning of the month) So there is no youtube video that I can display the song for you. I can tell you what song it is though.

Faunts- So Far Away

Its beautiful. Moving. Its surreal actually in the way it makes me feel. I love the other songs on this album too, its absolutely, for lack of a new, more interesting word, its beautiful. The album is  Feel.Love.Thinking.Of  in case you were wondering.

Well, I am off to bed. Long day. I hope this post didn't bore you too much. Happy Saturday night.

-K